I have been spiritually very low last few days. Didn’t wanna see anyone and cried at times.
Besides having some chronic injuries that have been lingering for years, I had a very bad knife injury that basically put my term work in vain two years ago. My exam was deferred and I was misunderstood by teachers and hand therapists here in London. Misunderstandings are hard to swallow. Sometimes I think being misunderstood or misjudged really hurts more than the actual physical pain.
Few days ago, I had another accident – I tripped with my heavy luggage and fell on an escalator. My left hand literally was shaking in trauma the entire train ride. I had to rush to play a concert immediately however. And in the midst of sharp pain, then numbness, I played through it. But starting that night things got worse. Now it is becoming better having stuffed myself with all kinds of oral and topical medicine that I can, but both my pinky and index finger are still in sharp pain and can’t funciton properly.
I have only two weeks left. Until my final hour-long piano exam. And I cannot even touch my pinky joint because it’s hurting. I blame it on my own clumsiness. I have been prone to injuries growing up. Never good at physical coordination. Injured my head twice when I was little. Failed to learning swimming and driving (haha). But I think what really stresses me out comes from the memories of pain and having been misunderstood previously.
Then I was reading Psalm 70 but mistakenly flipped to 90.
I have always know this verse, ““So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Psalms 90:12
I just realized, I have been numbering and counting down my days until my exam to dwell in anxiety and distress (ironically this Psalm begins with “God has been our dwelling place from generations to generations)
But God told us to number our days in order to get wisdom. His wisdom.
Whatever happens in the midst of waiting and His working, I just want to gain more of Him. May it be so.